Shark Night 3D

Initial judgments on this film led me to believe it would be on the same wave length as Piranha 3D, cheesy, gory but incredibly enjoyable none the less. Piranha had suspense, adventure, scantily clad women, naked women, fun and humor...oh and a floating penis!


Shark Night started as your regular teen summer trip to one of the students houses in the middle of nowhere on a lake. Typical setting for a horror movie. And obviously there were back stories, this guy likes that girl, that guy is going to propose to her and so on. Then we are introduced to the local hill-billys, always necessary for horror films, who bring the mood of the holiday down somewhat. Then the fun starts and soon we witness our first shark attack. The first one, with holding the suspense, is mysterious and the presence of the shark is still unknown. Once they've seen the sharks in the lake they panic, try to get help and wonder how the shark got there.


A few more characters die before one shark is killed. At this point the only character to have come face to face with a shark and survived (even though every one else died) notices that it is a different species to the one he saw. In this moment the suspense should have hit a peak in where they realise the lake is infested. Unfortunately at the same time you are viewing this, the camera keeps switching back to the hill-billys who are feeding two of the college kids to different sharks. Therefore any suspense is dashed and the reason for the sharks presence becomes a little more obvious.


Finally once everyone is dead bar the main two they are tied up and caged to be fed to the sharks so the hill-billys can make money. This is where the film gets to it's peak of ridiculousness. One boy is strapped to a chair, he manages to pull a lighter from nowhere and free himself. Here is why this is outrageous: nowhere in the film has this boy been seen to smoke, light a fire, pick up a lighter or borrow one. Also his hands are behind his back and he could not possibly reach his pockets, so where did it come from? Then he frees himself even though his chair is hanging above an opening of water he manages to set himself down on the side. Help?


On the other side of the lake the main girl is caged and dropped into the water. Despite these cages being used for viewing sharks the shark that appears breaks straight through the metal. I also queried whether they would actually put her in the cage in the first place. This would only drown her, and they obviously want her to stay caged because he spends time sealing it shut. You could argue it's so she couldn't escape the cage but she would still be in the water and cannot swim far from a hungry shark.
Also not only do the two main characters survive and kiss, the dog survives. Of course it does. This movie had no cheesy moments, they actually wanted it to be a serious film. Perhaps my expectations blinded me but I did not enjoy it. At least Piranha 3D had consistency and was advertised properly.


If I am to say one good thing about Shark Night 3D it is that the shot of a tiger shark near the end is a great film moment. The main boy is dropped into the tied to his chair and the image shown is that of a tiger shark slowly turning to face it's new prey. The detail of the horrifying demonic face of the shark is the best part of the film. I would not recommend watching this and save yourself two hours of your life by doing something worth while.


* 1 star (for the tiger shark).

Killer Elite

On entering the cinema screen to watch Killer Elite I was surprised to find it was based on a true story. I would like to say that this is the reason why I came out feeling robbed of two hours of my life. Often, movies based on true events either don't quite reach the mark, or are so elaborate you can only assume they are very lightly based on truth.


Noting from posters that this film was starring Robert De Niro, Clive Owen and Jason Statham I pushed to find time to see it as soon as possible, allowing myself to watch it even before Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy. Despite the stigma Statham receives about his similar roles and cheesy films (I am talking specifically about crank here) I absolutely love his movies, as do most people looking for an easy action movie to watch which requires no thought! As for Clive Owen, his movies usually require a little more thinking but with action titles such as Shoot 'Em Up under his belt I was holding out for something epic. Robert De Niro's roles and acting skills need no explanation as to why anyone should love them.


Unfortunately, having three great action actors in one movie seems to drain it of any substance. The action was minimal and somewhat lackluster, there was far too much speaking involved, Robert De Niro was made to look inferior to the younger actors and for the entire duration of the film the only thought going through my mind when looking at Clive Owen was how I would love to rip that pathetic excuse of a mustache from his face.


Perhaps my disappointment entailed due to how much I played the scenes up in my mind. I wanted ruthless violence, endless chases and fight scenes, bombs, guns and girls. The movie was a little more serious than I expected and a lot more tedious. Perhaps it is also due to the claims the actors have in older films and roles and our expectations ride on that which we have already visually consumed. Unfortunately this was definitely not a film on which, in years to come, people will let their expectations ride.


*** 2.5 Stars